


Falling

by Crossingbordersonmyown



Series: Exo Drabbles [10]
Category: EXO (Band), K-pop
Genre: Anxiety, Attempted Suicide, Depression, F/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-16
Updated: 2019-04-16
Packaged: 2020-01-15 02:49:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18489760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crossingbordersonmyown/pseuds/Crossingbordersonmyown
Summary: It was too much, you were a burden on him and you just wanted to stop breathing.





	Falling

**Author's Note:**

> This fanfic can be very triggering if you suffer from depression, or suicidal thoughts, please read with caution.

Rain slid down the window, the room dark as you sat on the edge of the bed, face buried in your hands, breathing heavy. The thoughts rushing through your head.

_"You are not good enough, you will never be good enough."_

_"Everyone dislikes you, he hates you."_

_"He just keeps you around because he feels sorry for you."_

You stood up, shakily as you walked to the door and looked back at the sleeping figure of your boyfriend, Minseok lying in bed fast asleep. 

Grabbing your jacket and slipping on your shoes you slipped out the door, putting your phone on the table. You couldn’t do this anymore, it was too much. 

Living, breathing, it was too much, too hard. 

He was the only thing keeping you from leaving, from constantly falling apart, but you still always doubted his love. You waited for the day he would get sick of it and leave. Just like the rest. 

Your anxiety peaked again, as the rain poured down on your now soaked clothes. These thoughts, the thoughts of not being good enough, for him or for anyone. These are the thoughts that kept you up at night. It caused you to want to do things to yourself, things that scared the living shit out of Minseok.

You walked out to a bridge and looked out, no cars or people in sight around you.

Closing your eyes you tried to breathe steadily and tried to regain your thoughts. You came here when you needed to calm down, to remind yourself why you needed to stop. 

_"Just do it already, he won't care. No one would."_

_"You are worthless, no one truly cares about you."_

_"Your family is embarrassed by you and your failures."_

_"You will never be good enough."_

Opening your eyes you looked down at the darkness below the bridge.

“No,” you mumbled as you looked both ways, still no traffic or people in sight. “Stop thinking these things.”

_"It's true, they hate you."_

_"You are a failure."_

_"Death will get rid of the pain."_

Squeezing your eyes shut again you started to cry, it was a fight, a fight between your depression, your anxiety. 

“Y/N!!!!” a voice in the distance yelled, causing you to open your eyes in alarm.

_"No, don’t let him see you, he will only tell you lies about how everything is okay."_

_**"Run."** _

Without you being able to think you turned to run, your footsteps clearly being heard by Minseok as you ran away from him. Scared. 

“Stop! Please, Y/n!” he yells as you hear him running after you. 

Him being more athletic than you, he quickly caught up to you, grabbing you by your arms and pushing you back into his chest and wrapping his arms around you as you tried to fight him off.

“Stop, let me go. I can’t do this Minseok. I am not good enough for you, you just feel pity for me. Please just let me go.”

“No. I won't let you go, this is just your depression talking, please calm down, you are scaring me,” he says as he turns you to face him, pulling you into his chest once again and running his hands through your wet hair, his other arm still firmly around your waist to keep you from escaping.

You began to whimper, crying your emotions out to him. The guilt filling you up. You wanted to disappear. 

“I love you, I love you so much. We will get through this, you are doing good, you have been getting better. Shhhh it's okay,” he comforted you and kissed your forehead.

Weeping into his chest you felt yourself relax, the depression and anxiety slowly washing away with the rain. Instead, his warmth replaced it. 

His heart was beating fast still, his grip around you loosening as he saw you start to relax. 

“I-I am sorry. I did it again,” you whispered, too ashamed to look him in the eye.

“Shhhh, it's okay,” he said lifting you up by your chin to look him in the eyes. “I don’t care what your anxiety thinks, what your mind tells you. It's a lie. I love you so much, I am not going to leave you. I don’t pity you. I love you for who you are. This is just part of who you are. I have accepted that.”

Tears began to run down your face, as you began to blubber out an apology “I am sorry, I am such a pain to deal with-”

“What did I just say, stop apologizing. You are not a pain, whoever told you that is a goddamn idiot. Look at me, hey,” he said as you tried to look away, securing his hand under your chin to keep you from looking way. “We will get through this together okay. 

“I-I love you, Minseok,” you say as you hug him tightly and bury your head into his chest. 

He held you tightly as he looked at the bridge, thinking of what could have happened to you those many years ago if he hadn’t been there, what could have happened tonight if he handed gotten here in time. He knew you were struggling, he saw you almost give up then, he wasn’t going to let you give up that easy. No way in hell. He loved you too much, he knew it would be hard, but he couldn’t give up. Somewhere deep down inside of you, a beautiful person was there and through all the anxiety and depression, she was there, always. Smiling back at him, yearning to come out and to be free of the chains of the issues.

Yes, someday you both would be able to overcome these issues, as long as you had each other. Everything would be okay.


End file.
